So the full title of this post was supposed to be “Ridiculous Things I Want to Do But Have Been Banned From Doing.”  Unfortunately, it did not quite fit.  However, the emphasis really should be on banned.  Forbidden. Highly discouraged.  Frowned upon.  Etc.

Good thing I am not easily deterred!

Lately I feel like all I do is dwell on this impending move and how much work is left and blah blah blah. I am boring even myself.  So I have started to think ahead to all of the cool stuff I am going to look forward to — and one of those things is looking for a place to live with more space.  And – are you catching on? — some of these banned activities!  Oh yes.

I think many people long for a big house with a garage and spacious backyard because they want kids or a dog or barbecues.  In fact, I think many people are hoping for all three.  My big dreams are a little more… shall we say, whimsical?  Here are my real-life aspirations:

#1 – Turn My Backyard into the Set of Edward Scissorhands

Sure, I have never successfully kept a house plant alive for more than a week, but should that really stop me from pursuing my dream of trimming all of the plants into topiaries?  My parents gave me an instructional book for Christmas, so I’m pretty much all set.  I also watched a 2 minute clip explaining how the gardeners at Disneyland do it as well as the excellent documentary, A Man Named Pearl.  What additional education is necessary?

I just need an electric hedge trimmer and a really tall ladder.  That’s cool, right?

Husband Acceptance Factor: Medium.  He says I can trim the plants if I use safety scissors and wear protective chain mail.

True story: One home we looked at had a 28,000 square foot lot.  (Ridiculous.)  There was totally enough room to make a life-sized tyrannosaurus rex out of box hedge.  I promise to take pictures.

#2 – Set up Acrobatic Studio in Spare Room

[Image credit: OneFlameintheFire via Flickr]

Several years ago.  Ok, more like 10, I took a class on aerial arts.  (Think circus.)  Sure, it was just one class and I wasn’t able to do most of the moves, but that has not stopped me from wanting to have my own acrobatics studio in my home.  I loved the tissu — you know, the long flowing fabric that people wrap themselves in and hang from.  I figure we can just hire a pro to fasten that stuff to the ceiling and then I’ll practice — starting out very low to the ground.

I know some of you are worried, but that’s what the mats are for.  Heck, maybe we can get one of those big foam pits like they have in gymnastics studios.  We weren’t really going to use the guest room anyway.

Husband Acceptance Factor: Low.  He claims that this poses structural risks to the home.  (I know.  He’s trying to trick me using physics.)

#3 – Buy a Scroll Saw

[Image credit: Popular Mechanics]

This was the first year that I did not even bother putting “scroll saw” on my Christmas list.  I knew it wasn’t going to happen.  My husband and parents have ganged up against me on this one.  But how else am I going to cut out all of the gingerbread fretwork for our windows and the two story guest house I am building out of Popsicle sticks in the backyard?  Clearly, I need this.

Did you know with the right blade, you can also cut shapes out of metal and acrylic?!  I will make Christmas ornaments for everyone on the block.

Husband Acceptance Factor: Lower than the electric hedge clippers.  Claims I will be even slower to fold laundry when I have 9 fingers.  Also, husband does not want to share the garage with me.  Something about getting wood dust on his car.

Ok, so what about you?  If money, space, and rules were no object — what would you do? I’m sure I’m not the only one.